Opportunist

by Say Nothing

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about

I feel compelled to write. So, if you’re going to read my lyrics, you may want to read into my life, draw your own parallels, find your own meaning. It’s also super cathartic to just sit back and reflect on what was going on at the time, now almost 4 years since this song was being written.

The song’s about: my transition between cities; living frugally, and all the while; finding little support, financially or emotionally from society.

I was forcing myself to sleep rough whilst struggling with alcoholism and substance abuse when I took the opportunity, with help from this band and friends to move down south to Bristol. This song echoes ideas of escapism and mania. A prolonged episode where my mental health was not where it could have been.

Many times during this period, I felt at rock bottom. It was something I was proud of, security at being nothing, having nothing, spending years sofa surfing. All I ever wanted was attention to ignore. I looked inwards to find hope in salvation.

God, as talked about in the Christian faith, has played a huge part in my life. During this time, I remember there being a real yearning for some higher being to save me from my self. If God had a plan, I was there to foul it. If not the God upstairs then the god in me, or the god in nature. I never did find my faith, but I found serenity in the profound power of the earth and Mother Nature, it’s what drove me to respect animals and humanity and begin a vegan diet.

The other theme in these words is the 27 club. No disrespect to any of the greats that this refers too that lost their life too soon. But, there is a culture, I’ve recognised, one that holds the club in high regards more for their age of death, rather than what in life they had accomplished. This is a toxic ideology, one I fell privy to, ‘live fast, die young’. At 27 I let that version of me die. Instead of beating myself up about not having accomplished all that I could have, I’d rather join the 87 club now.

So where am I now? Proudly a step away from letting all slip back into nothing.

lyrics

------------------------------------------------------------------
Here at the bottom of your energy I can feel your inside everything I have to say

Help, we all need some help.
Go ahead and seek council now!
But, don't think they’ll help you pay your rent:
Well, spent tax is unavoidable.
And idiosyncratic place to display my feet,
I’ve put up with enough; on the floor, working harder for everything.
I do/ I can’t be discreet.
And you blossomed faster than the pot was spilt.

We found youth at the thought of possibilities.
But, misspelt friends were taking all of mine.
Run from the meadows.

I make split decisions to run, when I find myself tangled.
So, it’s no surprise that in my hurry I trip up again.
Because we’re all so moral, till we lose ourselves to morals, lose yourselves to morals, but I don’t ever wanna run again.

Here at the bottom of your energy
(I feel fucking depleted)
Right here, at the bottom of your energy

Here at the bottom of your energy, I can feel you inside everything, I have nothing to say.

Just dreaming of ways that I can make it stop

Run.

I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing.
I have nothing, left.

Here inside of myself, in my grave, back to where the memories are buried.
No second looked up cobble streets and all the skips have gone.
New builds looming over corners, hide blood shed and traumas.
Fights and finds and with forests in mind I’m glad I died at 27.
A life never worth chasing only melody’s repeat me and my memories and I’m no longer trapped inside of me.
I’m passed the corner,
I’m passed the past,
Left the dregs in the glass.
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credits

released November 8, 2020
Original photo by Ashley Bea Photography.
www.facebook.com/AshleaBeaPhotography/

Music written by Say Nothing, lyrics by Benjamin Beagles.
Artwork layout by Dan Melizan.

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Say Nothing Bristol, UK

Emo

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